First Part: My Solitary North Star

Pain in life is  something more constant than love or faith. A feeling that may never abandon a heart in each gloomy rainy dawn or blistering summer night that he is forced to endure. Its presence can even grow into an unfading companion  more than a family or a friend can ever offer.

I sat there on the long rusted white-painted bench of a local provincial bus terminal waiting for him along with other passengers who now tried to lie flat and rob a nap while waiting for their own trip. I on the other hand, tugged a copy of the Metro Chronicles, trying to kill time by reading some random entertainment article about two Hollywood actresses that have gone into different paths in their respective career. The page shows two ironic pictures of the two, the first dark-haired actress was all smiling and glamorous in her very neat swept up hairstyle while the blonde was shown in perhaps her ugliest photo with her scarlet red lipstick was not working with her mouth that was awkwardly parted (which gave me the idea that the picture was taken while she was in a middle of some argument), her yellow blonde mane was messy and she totally look like she was harassed or something.

The better looking actress, Atasha Pri just won herself an Oscar for her outstanding performance in her latest film that bagged recognitions from almost all award giving bodies, while the young haggard Lola Truman scores herself an exclusive contract with an alcoholic slash drug rehabilitation facility plus an ultimate  meet and greet opportunity with the state prosecutors and other prominent authorities of the law. As  I skimmed the page with my eyes moving on the bottom part almost covering my face to continue  and to ward off the malicious stare of an old man whose face can no longer give space to more of  his sprouting,swollen  and puss filled acne and who was just sitting across me.

The author of the newspaper assessed that Atasha and Lola's differences were varied because of their parent's extremely different manner of raising a child. Atasha were raised by good folks who asked her to stop her acting career to finish her studies at an ivy league university such as Harvard. The obedient child then  did as she was told and brought home a diploma in Psychology.Alongside of this rare educational accomplishment for a Hollywood actress, were lead roles in numerous plays from New York's outstanding theaters and other notable achievements.

Unfortunately,Lola was left to endure the stage parenting of both her showbiz parents who pushed her to do stuff and made her own identity erode. After starring in different block buster films starting when she was just eight years old she then became an all time favorite for the tabloids and gossip hungry paparazzi that made her famous in all the negative sense there could possibly be. She was seen dating men and lesbians at the same time, smoking pot and marijuana after getting wasted on too much clubbing and partying all night. Recently, she was headlined for the nth time for crashing her car while trying to get away from her old business partner who was trying to get her for unsettled financial obligations. Then the writer of the newspaper bade both actresses good luck in their endeavors.

I on the other was muttering, "Yes, thank you for the fair and just journalism Einstein." concealing a sarcastic tone feeling utterly sympathetic to Lola whose films I have seen countless times and whose life I can at least claim to understand.

After that, I tried flipping through the pages again and laughed silently on the hilarious comic strips that were published in black and white. Of course I purposely ignored the crossword puzzle, I was "oh puhleeez!"  like as if I needed more thinking to keep my brain busy. That day, I kind of feel like my heart and my mind were so tired to do their routinely roles which was to constantly worry and ache for all that I am worth.Then just when I was beginning to get bored and consider the time so much in its funeral already, since I was trying to kill time earlier, wasn't I?

Then, like a ray of light in that gloomy cloudy afternoon of a rainy summer Lucas came. He was already standing in front of me like a cavalier ready to serve his damsel in distress while smiling like a little boy who just saw a red balloon for the first time.

"Sorry to keep you waiting my Perdita Leonore" he said giggling as he sat beside me and I slouched a little, faking a close to tantrum look for he knew I hate it when he calls me by my ugh so old from the dusty baul(wooden chest) given names. Names that depict who I am, what I have been,what I always will be and what I can only be, no further different from the fictitious characters powerfully created by literary masters. I am as literally the human equate of the lost girl from Shakespeare and the lady who was forever lost as far as Edgar Allan Poe is concerned.

I looked at him much  longer than I should have normally looked at someone, trying to fight the tears and the stories throbbing inside me aching to be heard.  I fought the urge and plastered a smile instead, the corners of my mouth stung a little, perhaps my facial nerves was in so much protest of my advocacy in pretending to be happy or at the very least look okay to other people, including to the only man I love.

More than all this mix of thoughts and emotions, I knew better, that Lucas has been so good to me and someone whom I cannot live without. I have decided, he does not deserve a part of my misery. Definitely, not him, not my ray of light, not my Solitary North Star...

Last Wednesday I saw my younger sister's performance during her final demo teaching. This is a requirement for college graduating students under the College of Education in any university and this is almost equivalent to a final thesis defense that other college courses mandates. During this

The Evil Things Stress Can Do To You

For months, I’ve been suffering from a terrible back pain that I didn't really want to fuss about.

My mom said I got it from sleeping like a fetus, a sleeping position where your arms are almost hugging your legs and you’re so hunched. Plus, of course, the obvious fact that I really have a bad posture, maybe as bad as Quasimodo's on the Hunchback of Notre Dame. But I kept ignoring it because I was so sure it’s going to subside and eventually go away just like before.

However, as days passed, I felt the pain growing more intense and getting a bit disturbing that I can no longer bear a day without a "Salonpas" on my back and pain liniment each night. I had trouble sleeping at night and concentrating on tasks at work. It then got to a point where in while ins a bus on my way home, it got too painful, I could hardly move. I was already crying like a baby when I got home.



The next day, after weeks of enduring the unbearable agony (which, at the time, was giving me the anxieties of scoliosis, osteoporosis, or worse, a broken backbone), I sought the help of an expert. I made an appointment with a resident physician from a credible nearby hospital. The doctor's door and desk reads "Orthopedic Surgery and Traumatology Specialist" under his name.

Funny thing, the doctor was in great disbelief when I told him about my back pains and my fears about it. He shrugged the idea of an X-ray. He said I was too young and that he is more than sure we can disregard problems concerning my bones. He just asked three key questions:

• What’s your job?


• Does it involve sitting in front of a computer most of the time?


• Are you getting too much stress from work lately?

Of course, I answered him with a big "YES."

Then he gave his diagnosis without even asking me to undergo any lab test or whatsoever. He said that I was suffering from chronic acute back pain. According to him, my excessive stress is triggering muscle spasms or cramps in my back. "Wow, stress. Seriously? Yeah, like blame everything on stress, huh?" This was what I was thinking back then. Well, for all I know this guy can just be a good ‘ol Dr. Quack, Quack in white.

But after I have done some research through the Internet on the top causes of severe back pain, where stress actually did land a major spot, I knew Doc was right. Most of the sites that I have visited confirmed the major connection between stress and back pain.

Based on studies, stress causes a release of stress hormones, which then increase the perception of pain and causes muscles to tighten up. The muscles tense up so much they go into painful spasms. Back and neck muscles are particularly sensitive to the effects of stress.

Aside from painful bouts of back pains, some minor negative effects of stress also include:

• involuntary chattering, stammering


• gritting and grinding of teeth


• Insomnia, nightmares and disturbing dreams


• aggravation in skin allergies and disease (e.g. rashes, itching, hives, eczema, psoriasis, arthritis)


• Unexplained or frequent "allergy"
  attacks


• chest pain


• frozen shoulder


• anxiety


• depression


• constipation


• dandruff


• zits and pimples


• Abdominal discomfort.

But it doesn't stop there, as stress can also lead to more serious and debilitating health conditions such as:

• Heart attack  (caused by increased blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol)


• Stroke (caused by increased blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol)


• Ischemic Bowel disease like Crohn’s disease


• Mental and Psychological disorders


• Bell's Palsy (yet to be proven)


• Chronic pain


• Gastrointestinal disorders

So, after lecturing me on life, posture, stress, and thinking too much, Doc wrote me a medical certificate, gave me a list of pain killers (which I did not use), and a paper with helpful illustrations of proper postures when doing different activities.

There are countless medical diseases – including mental disorders – that point stress as the culprit.  So, the next time you feel stressed about something, ask yourself first, "Is it worth it?"

Related Sources:

http://www.bigbackpain.com/stressandbackpain.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stress-Could-Be-Causing-Your-Upper-Back-Pain&id=3589912

http://www.stressfocus.com/stress_focus_article/stress-effects-on-body.htm

http://www.relaxation-at-home.com/stresssideeffects.html

http://www.stress.org/topic-effects.htm

Daydream and see the Difference

Don't you sometimes get the idea that the world made you forget how it is to just breathe in order to live? To just get off your bed and wake up to start and sleep to end each day? Even worse, don't you get the picture of a world that turned you into someone  not any different to zombies from thriller movies,  just moving but not aware  of what is right or wrong, good or bad, and of wants  over needs.

A world filled with monthly bills, work deadlines, relationship issues in the family and other concerns that root from all the negative scenarios.  A world that dictates people to choose practicality more than anything else. Unfortunately, you and me, we live in "that world", and it left us without any reason so as not to daydream

Way back in grade school, my Math teacher once told my seat mate that day dreaming is only for lazy and brainless people. Perhaps, she was just making a point since my classmate was doing it inside the classroom, submerged with the swirl of random thoughts inside my head instead of the Pythagorean theorem, or the Associative Property of Multiplication. However, I think of it otherwise.

Daydreaming can be a therapy, a way of organizing your thoughts and  an innocent try of  getting over all that is bitter. It is  a manner of visualizing what you really want to do and want to become in life minus all the pressures and restrictions from the real world. It offers you freedom from your own inhibitions more than getting drunk does. It enables you to be who you want to be, at the same time gives you the license to do what you ought to  do.

It gives you the sweetest escape that your empty pockets and hectic job schedules  hinders you from doing. It even allows you to be with the people whom you cannot really be with, whether because they've tied the knot or have called life quits. More importantly, it allows you to dream, something that this world tagged as forbidden.

I myself  take my day dreaming hat and call myself as the "Daydream Goddess" when I need to. I think the name suits me, shrug the stupid idea that my looks equal that of a goddess because I sure don't. Kidding aside, it's just that perhaps I have more idea of day dreaming than any normal thinking human has of it. I have done it for over a million  times in my entire lifetime.  I do it inside the bus, inside the train and inside the cab (but of course, I still pay attention on the fare meter!), which I do twice since I do it back and forth on my way to work and on my same commute when I am headed home. Believe me, it has been very therapeutic for me all the time. If I were a psychologist, I would honestly recommend this activity to most of my patients inflicted with the worst case of paranoia, stress, manic depression or even to those with the gravest suicidal tendencies. This may be counted as admission that I myself may be or have been ill from all or even one of those disorders. Well, aren't most of us if not all of us?

If you are a person who is currently misplaced in this  world, we fondly call ours. A world of creativity versus practicality, which has trapped people with eight to five jobs that most despise but so badly need to survive. A world full of people whose lives they cannot really live anymore but must live out to merely exist...

Then, day dreaming can be the first step to resurrect those childhood dream of yours. That dream you have buried in a pile of long overdue paper works. The dream  of becoming a writer, a painter, a musician. The dream of who you actually want to be, of doing what you in fact want to do.

It is time to allow yourself to dream as it is your right and not a privilege. Overcome your fears of being called absurd and being rejected. Eventually to forget and prove wrong all the  people who were sure you cannot when you know in your heart that you actually can. Pursue your dreams which can be the key to your own most sought after happiness, even so your own fulfillment; not just in a matter of  profession but as a person holistically.

P.S.
Daydream and watch it  make all the difference...

Hats down,

The Daydream Goddess